Salmonella or Something
by tyrells
Summary: A totally cliché one shot. / In which Claire tries to be a good friend, only to find her entire life unraveling. It might be the last time she decides to attempt something as foolish ever again. Massie owed her. Big time. / AU / totally silly and totally lame.


**A/N:** totally cliché oneshot, you have been warned! it's my first ever. /self pats. features some massington and some clam, because it's me. also features my lame attempts at humor. like, i didn't really try and it's totally lame. oh! and also, like, one use of the F word, so beware if you don't like language, lol. enjoy!

* * *

**Salmonella or Something**

.

.

"I—_what_—"

Needless to say, Claire was floored. Not only had Massie just dropped a massive bomb on her without preamble, without prelude, and without warning, she did it all with an expression of serene calm on her face. The blonde could only stare at her friend's back in shock mingled with disbelief as Massie turned away from her and headed back to her bed. Claire stood frozen at her doorway for a beat before rushing in and slamming the door behind her.

"Do I really need to repeat myself, Kuh-laire?" Massie drawled with a raised brow, reclining back on her 600 thread count royal purple sheets.

"Um, yeah, that would be nice," she tried to snap back, but instead, it came out sputtered in her continuing shock.

The brunette rolled her eyes, calmly examining her nails for any chips. Claire, who had been dragged with her to the spa, knew that was impossible, thanks to the OPI Bio Sculpture Gel Massie had insisted on trying even when they had been running late for her school-night curfew.

Crossing her arms over her chest and still anxious, she snapped, "Massie!"

Finally giving up the act and dropping her hand down on her fluffy comforter, Massie rolled her eyes again as if she was doing her a favor. She sighed loudly and paused before biting out roughly and lowly, "I _said_, I missed my period."

"But I—you said—" Claire froze, her jaw dropping a bit in shock. Her heart started to beat just a little bit faster. Now that her mind was catching up with the words coming out of her best friend's mouth, she was starting to freak out. How could Massie just _lay there_ acting as if everything was fine? "You lied. You said you use protection!"

"I _did_," Massie snapped back, sitting up and glaring at her. "I'm nawt an idiot, Kuh-laire. But those things can break, you know. It's like, only 90 something percent accurate sometimes or something."

_Still not over it,_ Claire stared at her in disbelief. "But shouldn't you know when that _happens_?!" she practically demanded.

"Obviously not, if we're having this conversation, Claire," Massie rolled her amber eyes again.

"I can't even—" Claire couldn't even wrap her mind around it. She marched over to her friend before she could recline back. Was Massie for real? She was so infuriating. Only Massie would act defensive when _something of this magnitude_ was happening to them. Massie might be… be… _pregnant_ …and she was just sitting there acting as if she had only just told Claire her outfit today was hurting her eyes!

"Lucky for you," Massie said, interrupting her and glancing away. "You don't have to."

Claire froze in her rapid pacing and breathing and cast her friend a look. She instantly deflated, only now really taking in her friend. Massie's eyes were bloodshot, a feat makeup couldn't even hide, and she was speaking with a slight sniffle as if she had been recently crying. And Claire realized then that this was just Massie being Massie and dealing with it the only way she knew how.

By being impossible.

Claire flopped down on her bed, sinking in instantly, and turned her head to face her friend, who glanced at her in surprise. "Don't be stupid, Mass," she muttered, and then hurried to finish her sentence at the glare her friend shot her. "I meant that, of course I'm here to help." Massie rubbed lightly at her slightly red nose and turned away. Claire couldn't help but want to hug her and throttle her at the same time. "Why didn't you say anything earlier?"

She was silent for a long while as Claire stared at her, until she suddenly flung her comforter off her and shot out of her bed. "Oh, who am I kidding? I'm not… not…"

"Pregnant?" Claire answered for her hollowly, feeling a messy dread settling deep into her bones.

"Right. That," Massie giggled as if Claire had said a funny joke, "I mean, it's just stress. That's why I'm late. And I did have some sushi. That would explain the vomiting. It must have been bad or filled with Salmonella or something. I read an article in Cosmo about it a while back. It's a serious epidemic. And there wasn't any real _break_ that I could see, not that I really looked mind you, but he would have _said_ some—"

Claire, feeling her limbs suddenly heavier than ever and her head suddenly becoming a bit woozy, continued to stare at Massie as she paced in the same position that she had been doing only moment before. "Massie, it's Spring Break, what are you stressed about?"

"_This_, obviously," her friend snapped at her. She hated being interrupted.

"And we had sushi _two_ _weeks_ ago," Claire continued on undeterred, still frozen on her friend's purple bed.

"Obviously, it's a slow illness. I read that bacteria can stay in your body and live in there. And then it doesn't hit you or effect you until later on, maybe even _years_ later. It's like a slow acting poison, Claire."

Massie said this all with a complete straight face and total conviction that Claire didn't know if it was true or not. But _no_, it couldn't be. Because Massie was now in denial, she knew that. And this was Massie's coping strategy. She had to drill some sense into her head. Watching her friend continuing on about E. coli and Salmonella and food poisoning, Claire knew what she had to do.

"Massie, you need to go to the doctor," she bit out in a rush, biting her nails in anxiety at her reaction.

The brunette shot her look. "I assure you, Claire," she said, cocking her hip and her head, "that I can beat this bug. My immune system is great and I do Pilates. …I actually even feel better already."

"I—" Claire closed her eyes for patience. "_I meant_, for a test."

"Kuh-laire! I am not…"

"_Pregnant_!" Claire finally snapped again, her heart beating furiously in her chest, her breathing speeding up again. Massie couldn't even _say_ it. And the more she was going on and on about it in denial, the more Claire was starting to believe it. Aware that she was completely freaking out, but knowing that Massie needed to hear it, she continued. Someone needed to let the panic out. "You're pregnant, Massie. You need to see a doctor and pee in a cup and eat vitamins and get gel rubbed on your stomach or _something_ because… you're… pregnant!"

Massie stared at her in complete silence and Claire forced herself to stop chewing on her nails. She had to be an adult about this because Massie wasn't. She needed to help her friend because her friend was in desperate need of help. Also a wakeup call. Also a hit upside the head. Also some common sense.

"I—" Massie started to say before trailing off breathlessly. She cast her eyes over her face desperately.

At her friend's sudden show panic, Claire released a deep breath. "Okay. Maybe… You could be right, maybe you're not pregnant. But why not go, just to make sure? It can't hurt and if you are… there'll be a doctor and _adults_ there that can tell you—_us_ what to do." Massie turned away, her back stiff, but the blonde continued to try and reason with her. "And the sooner we know, the more time we have for… options."

The room was silent and Claire felt her anxiety spiking back up. She was not equipped for this.

"Okay," Massie whispered softly. Claire's head shot up in surprise. That had been easier than she had thought. Already impossible, but easier than she expected with Massie's levels. "Okay. But we don't have to go anywhere," Massie continued, turning back around and looking brighter.

She wrinkled her brow in confusion.

"_Tests_," Massie elaborated slowly, staring at her friend pointedly. "We can take those things at home, right? So…"

And suddenly, Claire's heart was beating fast again. Because Claire just knew what Massie wanted of her now. "No! I mean, yes, you can take them at home, but Massie, I can't—"

"Claire," Massie cut her off instantly. Now that she had kind of accepted her fate, she was all demanding again. Claire almost regretted breaking her out of her fearful funk. She bit down on her nail again, hard, feeling the sudden pitch of pain. "You _just_ said that you were here to help."

Claire felt helpless. She wracked her brain for a solid excuse to get out of doing this. Her face was flushing with embarrassment already. So without thinking, she blurted, "But what if people think that I'm—"

She cut herself off instantly at Massie's fierce look.

"Except you're not," she snapped sharply. "Unless you and Cam have something to share too. Which I doubt because I taught you better than that, right? And we're friends, right? Best friends. And you _promised_ to help. And if I take the test and prove to you that I'm not, then what does it matter anyways for your reputation if the rumors are obviously not true? For either of us. And if I am… _pregnant_, then again, moot point! Because my life is over as we know it and then they'll know it wasn't for you a_n_yways!"

Claire absentmindedly congratulated Massie for finally saying the word, in her head, because she knew her friend wouldn't appreciate that at all, as she continued to frantically try and find a way out. But Massie was already strolling to her purse and fishing out her wallet.

"Here," she said, pressing a hundred dollar bill into her limp hand. Claire could only take it, appealing to Massie silently with wide blue eyes.

Massie rolled her eyes. "I'm the one who's possibly pregnant over here, Kuh-laire! What do _you_ have to worry about?" she snapped.

Claire was resigned to her fate. So with that, Massie pulled open her door and held it open for her.

_Of course_, Claire thought, dazedly, walking out slowly. She should have known better than to respond to Massie's S.O.S. text so readily. If she had known… Massie slammed the door shut after her. Claire stood in the Block's hallway in front of Massie bedroom door like the idiot she was.

Until Massie pulled open the door again suddenly.

Claire turned around in surprise, almost dropping her bill. Massie stared at her with unreadable eyes for a moment. Then with a small sniffle, she whispered, "Thanks."

And Claire felt her heart softening, some of her ire washing away, to be replaced with a bit of pride almost. Both at being the first and only person Massie had texted for help and actually proving herself _capable_ of helping. She could feel the Alpha's gratitude almost radiating in the air.

That was, until Massie slammed the door again just as abruptly as before, and she was left alone in the dark hallway again. Claire shook her head.

_Typical_.

.

.

Mumbling to herself all the while, Claire cast a glance around the relatively deserted parking lot before making her way into CVS slowly. She doubted that she would run into anyone at all because who did she know from OCD that would actually step foot in here? Except maybe for her.

Claire winced at the hiss of the automatic doors. It drew the attention of the ratty, goateed cashier flipping through a magazine and also the two tween girls crowding around the makeup section right in front of her. Clearing her throat and brushing her hair over her face to hide, Claire grabbed a hand basket and darted down the closest isle, full of hair care products.

She couldn't buy anything with them there! Who knows if the girls had sisters that went to OCD or worse, brothers that went to Briarwood, and recognized her or something? Flushing with embarrassment, she could have killed Massie.

But no, she was a good friend. Someone Massie could trust. Someone Massie could rely on. And also, someone who needed to give Massie a wakeup call.

Pausing in front of the assortment of nail colors and faking interest, Claire mentally urged the tweens to hurry up and leave. She also took the time to will down her flush. _Way to be obvious, Claire,_ she scolded herself. Walking down the aisles, Claire filled up her cart with random, ordinary, and inconspicuous items: a small bottle of Sunny-D, the new Cosmo, packets of make-up remover, some cheap pantyhose, a bottle of waxing cream. Claire organized them in a way for maximum coverage that would hide the tests artfully. Glancing back down the makeup isle, she was relieved to see the tweens gone.

Then, with her heart beating furiously in her chest, Claire approached the tests. Next to the cold medicine and condoms and lube. She swallowed, glancing around through her hair before turning back and staring blindly at the rows of boxes.

_Crap_.

She had no idea what kind Massie wanted or which kind was most accurate, but Claire was _so done_ with this. All of it.

She swept out a hand and swiped the whole row of boxes into her cart. Massie could pick and chose when they were safe. And away. Away from anyone recognizing her. From anyone noticing her. From any prying eyes. Also, just the public in general.

Claire turned on her heels and of course, crashed right into someone, hard.

She went careening back into the isle, her basket clattering to the floor and her contents flying. Her back slammed up against the isle, sending condom and pregnancy tests raining down on her and crashing to the ground. Claire flushed burning red in mortification, her back burning with sudden pain.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry," her new mortal enemy said, clamoring to his feet.

"Are you guys okay?" asked the tween girl, who had suddenly appeared and apparently had not left yet. Great, more witnesses to behold the mess that was her life.

Brushing her blonde hair over her hot and flushed face, Claire nodded frantically. Clamoring off her butt and up to her hands and knees, Claire groaned at the explosion of Sunny-D on the floor. She dropped the partially soaked Cosmo on top of it to try and soak up the rest.

"I'll go get napkins!" Tween girl offered helpfully before thankfully disappearing. Claire, still wanting to die of embarrassment, didn't spare a glance at her mortal enemy as he clamored to pick up his own fallen products. It consisted of about twelve bottles of shaving cream. He plopped them back into his own dropped cart.

"I am sorry, though. Really," Mortal enemy, who was starting to sound a _really_ familiar now that she was thinking about it, said again. Claire squeaked out loud, _actually squeaked_, when he picked up his New York Yankees hat off the floor and turned to face her with a rueful grin. She could have killed him.

"Claire?" Josh Hotz asked in surprise when he got a good look at her. "What are you doing here?"

About to melt into a puddle on the floor _and_ turn into ice from the adrenaline running through her veins at the exact same time, Claire ignored him and swept the Sunny-D soaked and splattered pregnancy test boxes back into her cart as hurriedly as possible. "_Me_?" she squeaked. "What about _you_? What are you _doing_ here?"

She was one hundred percent sure that Josh did not regularly shop at CVS. She would have bet her life on it. _No one_ shopped here. It was just her luck that of all days, _today_, someone she knew would be here.

"We—the guys and I, I mean—decided to have a shaving cream fight," Josh explained with a grin, holding up a can. Of course, Josh was a total guy. He probably wouldn't even notice.

But when Claire didn't return his amusement, he cast a worried glance at her. And then at the basket she was currently trying to hide behind her. Then he looked at the isle and then the scattered condom, lube, and pregnancy boxes scattered on the ground around them. And then he turned back to her, his brown eyes almost bugging out of his head.

"Claire—are you—" He choked.

"No!" Claire practically shouted, actually about to die.

Josh continued to stare at her as if she had grown another head. It would be comical if it had been anyone but her in this position. She was going to kill Massie. She was going to kill herself.

"But—then, why?"

"It's not for—" Claire cut herself off instantly before she put her mouth in it. Because Massie might _actually_ really kill her if anyone found out about the pregnancy before Massie found out herself. And her friend's words about how Claire's reputation was safe, whether Massie was really pregnant or not because _she_ really wasn't pregnant, echoed in her head and Claire knew she would have to take the fall. She would have to take the hit. "—what you think," she continued instead, changing directions.

"It's not what you think," she repeated a bit more confidently. Though she was sure her voice would be stuck in this higher octave of humiliation for about two more years.

"But Cam. And you—and you're—" Josh choked again.

"Um, maybe not!" Claire cut him off with a hysterical laugh. "That's what the test is for."

She waved an artificial orange juice soaked pregnancy test at him for added emphasis. Josh sputtered, but before he could say anything, tween girl had returned and she had brought along goateed cashier guy as well. He was holding a mop and an enraged expression.

"You're going to have to pay for all this," he snapped, pointing at the magazine and soaked boxes on the ground.

"Right," Claire squeaked again. "Sorry," she fished in her pocket and shoved Massie's hundred dollar bill into his hand. Sweeping a couple more clean boxes in her cart just case the juice covered ones were ineffective or something, Claire muttered a _gotta go_ and a _please don't tell anyone_ to Josh and then high tailed it out of there as if actual flames were licking at her heels.

It was entirely possible. Claire had never been so hot, so red, so flushed in her life.

"Claire, wait!" Josh cried after her, but goatee cashier guy might just be her new favorite person because he stopped him from hightailing it out of there right after her. Apparently, a hundred bucks didn't cover eight pregnancy tests and twelve cans of shaving cream. Or any of the damages they caused.

Not even stopping for a bag and just taking the shopping basket with her, because she sure as hell wasn't stopping for anything, Claire breezed out the automatic doors and then basically ate her own words when she froze in her tracks instantly.

Okay, she had been wrong. _Now_ she was dead. _Really_ dead. So dead. Her body was ice cold in fear, frozen in shock, at the sight of Cam's Mustang milling on idle, parked right out front. Also, Derrick's Mercedes. Basically all the Briarwood soccer boys were here. Shaving cream fight, right. Massie was going to _murder_ her when she got wind of this. Also, maybe Cam, if he saw what was in her cart.

In hindsight, she really should have gotten a bag.

"Claire?" Cam asked in complete surprise, rolling down his car window. He gestured her closer.

"Hi," she squeaked, approaching slowly. What was the use pretending that she didn't hear him or that he had the wrong person? She was dead already. Also, that tended not to work when the person in question pretending not to know you was your girlfriend since middle school.

The other guys called out greetings absentmindedly and normally, Claire would have been pissed at their dismissive treatment, but for now, she was actually glad. The less attention on her and her _items_, the better. She didn't try to hide it like with Josh, because what a disaster.

_Play it cool, Claire_. _Totally cool_.

"What are you doing here?" he asked her with a confused look.

"Oh, you know," Claire choked out. "Shopping."

"At CVS?" He asked with a raised brow. Throwing caution to the wind, Claire spun the basket behind her and out of his sight. So much for playing it cool.

"Mm hmm, yep," Claire forced herself to behave naturally, to not to bite her nails. Cam would pick up instantly that something was wrong. Her boyfriend knew her too well.

"For…?" Cam asked her, still confused. He made to get out of the car, but Claire couldn't let that happen. She needed to go. Now. Before this became more of an absolute disaster than it already was.

"For girl stuff!" she practically shrieked.

Cam froze in his motions to exit his car. He turned faintly pink. "Oh. Um, right," he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

Derrick, however, being the impossibly immature person that he was, wouldn't let it be left at that. Nope, he didn't let it drop. Instead, he leaned and out of his car window and snatched a box from her basket before she could stop him. She could have cried in humiliation and frustration as she scrambled with him for it back.

"Derrick, you complete asshole," she cried as she attempted to whack him wherever she could reach. Claire was never one for violence, but today was easily the worst day of her entire life. It just made sense that she took him out before she was taken out by Massie herself. And also, because it really was _all Derrick's fault in the first place_.

"Derrick, Claire, stop," Cam called, pulling her back. Obviously, her suddenly violent tendencies were freaking all of them out. Her boyfriend, especially. But this only allowed Derrick full access to the box.

"First Response Digital Pregnan—" He too, like Josh, choked before turning to stare at her in surprise.

Cam froze in shock at Derrick's words, picking up on exactly what he had been about to say from the pink box in his hands. His hands dropped from her person instantly, as if pregnancy was contagious. Claire dropped her basket and just placed her head in her hands, feeling tears starting to build.

Because oh my god. Perfect. So perfect.

Her head was feeling heavy and her chest was getting tight. Yep, tears were coming, she could feel it, but she couldn't help it. This was the absolute last good deed she would ever be doing. For the rest of her life, she wasn't going to offer anymore of her friendship services because things like _this_ ended up happening. Was there a pit somewhere that would swallow her whole?

"I take it they saw?" Josh asked her and the silent group, still frozen in shock, as the automatic doors to CVS hissed shut behind him.

Claire didn't bother with a response.

.

.

"It's not what it looks like," Claire told Cam quietly, trying to zone out the fact that all his friends were straining their ears to hear them.

Cam shot her a look of complete disbelief, wringing his hands through his hair. "Not what it—" He dropped his hands and stared at her. "Claire, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it's not what it looks like," she stressed again, picking up her basket and the fallen boxes. She wondered how well they would work now after being doused in artificial orange juice and then dropped about a hundred times in the past ten minutes. "Besides, they're _tests_. It doesn't mean that I'm really pregnant."

Cam looked like he was going to faint that the word pregnant.

"Cam, don't you remember to package your meat before you start to get into heat?" Derrick cat-called out suddenly, releasing the all the built up tension. All the other boys snickered wildly, punching him, before adding in their own. "Condomize, _then_ womanize! Basic elementary school teaching," Chris added. "You should have covered your snake before you made a mistake," Kemp chimed in, cackling. Josh snorted, leaning against Cam's car.

They literally could have gone on all day. Claire felt her fury mounting, building, swirling. The fact that everyone was enjoying themselves so nicely when she was having the most embarrassing moment of her life right now made her want to cry, the fact that Massie was safe at home probably luxuriating in bed while all this was happening made her want to scream, and the fact that Cam was freaking out and Derrick was making jokes when _he_ should have been the one freaking out made her see _red_. So when Derrick added, "House your noodle before you release your strudel," and the other boys all doubled over again in laughter, Claire exploded.

"It's not for me, you fucking idiots! IT'S FOR MASSIE!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

Everyone froze.

But not as much as Claire because _oh shit_.

_Oops_.

Derrick was the first to react. He straightened. "Impossible," he replied, his face ashen. "We…" at the glare Claire shot him, he refrained from any more condom jokes, "…_use protection_."

Claire cocked her hip, channeling her inner Massie unconsciously. "Condoms can _break_, you know."

"Yeah," Derrick shot back. "But I think I would know if that happened. And it didn't."

Claire couldn't refrain from snorting at the same words, no, _this same conversation_, being echoed.

"This," she held up her basket and shook the multiple pregnancy tests in them around to prove her point. "Kind of brings that into question, doesn't it?"

Derrick had nothing to say to that. And as much as she would have liked to see and hear the condom jokes directed at him this time, Massie was probably waiting on her and probably still freaking out to boot. Also, _alone_. Claire needed to go. Now.

She sighed, turning to Cam. "I need to get these to Massie as soon as possible. Can you give me a ride?"

Cam nodded. At the look Claire shot him, he must have known he was in for it because his grin was now abashed and apologetic. Claire ignored him, pulling his passenger side door open and getting in.

"Hang on," Derrick called out, sounding put out. "It's my girlfriend, shouldn't I be the one that's… _with_ her or whatever?" And before she could stop him, he was pulling open Cam's backseat door and sliding in too.

"Oh my god. You know what?" Claire muttered, rubbing her temples in frustration. "I don't even care anymore. Let's just _go_."

"So… no shaving cream fight then?" Josh asked them with a grin, as Cam started his car and pulled out of the parking lot. Derrick and Claire both gifted him with the finger.

.

.

"_Finally. _God," Massie snapped the moment she swung open her bedroom door, "where did you even go to get the test? _Argentina_?"

And then she spotted them: Derrick and Cam standing behind her.

"Oh my gawd, Kuh-laire!" Massie screeched. "_You told them_?!"

"It was a total accident," Claire rushed the words out as fast as possible. She also slipped under Massie's arm and into her room before she could slam and lock the door in their faces.

"Oh, accident, huh?" Massie snapped, crossing her arms over her chest tightly. Her amber eyes were burning with repressed tears and Claire instantly felt awful.

"Yes," she said softly. "Because I didn't mean to. And I'm sorry, okay? _Really_ sorry. It was total crap of me to tell them and yes, you should be mad at me, but at least take the test, okay? You need to figure out… if it's happening."

Because the blonde was genuinely worried. She was almost anxious because Massie was her best friend and she might be pregnant and they _needed_ to know either way. She couldn't afford for her to slip back into her denial stage again just because she was mad at Claire for her betrayal.

"Why are they all sticky?" Massie asked, her nose wrinkling in disgust as she held up a box.

"Don't ask," Claire replied instantly.

Massie shot her a look before Derrick commanded her attention. Cam called for hers. "Come on," he muttered, gesturing out Massie's bedroom door. Claire desperately wanted to stay, but watching Derrick comfort Massie, she knew she was no longer welcome. Massie might be mad at her for quite a little bit for telling him. She followed Cam out the door and shut it behind her for them, giving Derrick and Massie privacy.

"I'm sorry I freaked out," Cam laughed lightly, running a hand through his hair.

"Understandable," Claire laughed too, even though she was still tightly wound with anxiety. Also, a bit of mortification. But she and Cam were cool like that, they'd work it out. She was unleashing some of the tension in her body already. "Anyone would, really."

Cam grinned and pressed a kiss to her lips. Claire blinked in surprise at his sudden passion.

"I'm just _really_ glad that it wasn't you," he muttered at her questioning look.

She grinned back stupidly. "Oh, so you'll make sure to wrap your snake—"

Cam shut her up with another kiss. Claire didn't protest.

.

.

Thirty six calls. Claire had tried to call Massie thirty six times and still received no response. It ate at Claire. The wondering and the worrying was sitting in her stomach and wiggling around. It was either her nerves or something else. She was so stressed from lack of sleep and anxiety that she was starting to wonder if it was one of those bacteria Massie had been talking living inside her.

Any moment longer and _Claire_ was going to be pregnant. She'd be birthing an anxiety baby.

So when it was the end of her break, time for school, and her routine ride with Massie in the morning, Claire was practically shaking once Isaac assured her that Massie was coming today.

She pounced on the brunette the moment she appeared.

"Well?" Claire stressed. Massie brushed her hair back and slid into her car. Claire followed her, feeling dread settling in her bones. She knew Massie was mad, but she wouldn't keep it a secret from her forever… _would she_? "Massie, I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, I know."

Massie continued to ignore her, but Claire _had_ to know. She wanted to help her friend, even though she had sworn off helping anyone for the rest of her life. Massie was prone to brushing it off and going into denial about things like this. It would be just like her to start school again like nothing was wrong. Claire needed to help her.

"Mass, it's killing me," she begged. "At least _tell_ me… What happened? Is it—Are you…?"

Finally turning to look at her, Massie stared at her, her amber eyes burning into Claire's blue ones and making her feel microscopic.

"No," Massie finally said, after making her sweat it out. Claire's eyes bugged out.

"No, as in _negative_ test results?" she asked again to make sure.

"Yes," Massie replied, her face finally breaking out of its frozen mask and replaced with a triumphant look that was much more herself. "I _told_ you, Claire. It was just stress. I got my period this morning and the vomiting? I _told_ you about that article. It was Salmonella or something. Thank god, my immune system is as strong as it is. I've never felt better!"

"Salmonella or something," Claire echoed hollowly, feeling her ears ringing.

"I told you," Massie smirked, leaning back into her seat and examining her impeccable nails again. She was wondering how long it would take Claire to realize that she was having her on. "You just _had_ to get me all psyched out, but once again, I proved that I was right all along."

Claire could only stare at her best friend in disbelief.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" she finally thought to ask when Massie's words finally hit her.

"Because you deserve to stew for what you did, silly," Massie replied instantly, the smirk still on her face. "But since, I'm back and better than ever, I think you've suffered enough. You look awful, by the way. Bad night's sleep?"

Claire could have killed her. Yep, this was the last time Claire was doing a good deed for anyone ever again. Friendship services for Massie: permanently terminated.

"Oh, I'm _kidding_, Kuh-laire," Massie knocked into her shoulder with a giggle. Now that she was sure she wasn't pregnant, Massie looked radiant. Nothing like the stuffy nosed girl that Claire had comforted yesterday. What a difference a pregnancy scare made. "But you did deserve it, admit it. Imagine if I _had_ been pregnant, you basically told all of Westchester."

Claire shut her eyes in frustration at her impossible best friend. _So infuriating_.

"Speaking of which, you're definitely telling everyone what you said was a lie. That it was totally you. It's the least you can do, Clairebear, to make it up to me for that betrayal."

Claire's eyes flew open in shock.

_Oh god_.

She was in for a lifetime of condom jokes.

.

.

* * *

**A/N:** i'm a total loser, i know. kisses anyways!


End file.
